so with all this hype about going home and all, i feel so sad lately. i worry about a lot. even when everything's over. i mean, i'm done with my first year of college and though i struggled through and hated many aspects of ASU, i pulled through really well. and then i couldn't wait to go home months ago. and now i'm sad that i'm leaving. i think it's that i'm scared. i'm scared of this summer. my mom took back the restaurant and so i'm working there again. and i remember the reason why she stopped working there last year. it was beacuse it drove me to insanity and we always fought when i didn't want to work. what if that happens again? and i miss saul a lot. i can't sleep at night cause he's not there to tell me to go to sleep and give me kisses or tell me stupid stories about him and bobby. and 3 months is a long time to be away from someone you've spent every day of the past 3 months with. i worry that there will be someone better.i worry that he won't wait out those 3 months. so much can happen in 3 months. i worry that when i get back home, everyone's going to be different and that everyone will be heading in their own direction with their new friends. i worry that i won't find a job and that i'll have to follow my mom around working. i worry that she won't let me get out. and all the freedom i had while being at college will be gone. home is a completely different lifestyle than out here. no more hoping on random busses to see where they'll go. no more buying so much junk from walmart and watching all the food disappear in a week. no more going to the mall and missing the last bus no more late night walks to circle K and filobertos. no more roommate complaining about something ridiculous or bobby trying to do loud tricks on his skateboard inside our room or saul running around naked and standing in front of the window naked until someone sees him. no more going over to brahan, robert, or ben's room and bothering them or giving them a midnight snack. i hated college. there were nights where i would cry cause i was so miserable. but i'm going to miss everyone and all the crazy adventures we had. i would stay in arizona forever for those people. i'm just hoping that these 3 months go by really quick and when i come back, nothing changes and everything's ready to go for next semester. | 
